Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
