nut hugger
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
