Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize