So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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