im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
