You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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