why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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