I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize