i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize