I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
