If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
