yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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