Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's never too late to be topless.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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