he told me I talked like a deaf person
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
