saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize