if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
