I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
why is half of my head shaved?
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