Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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