I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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