I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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