It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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