Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
