I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you made out with another girl for some wings
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize