Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
