I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
