i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize