I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
