nut hugger
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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