Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
