At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
