Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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