Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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