I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
