That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
