Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize