i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
