Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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