My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
