how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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