I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
