Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
