her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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