remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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