You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
