I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
