I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize