No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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