So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
