Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
