just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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