My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
