and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
