Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize