If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
