yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
