yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize