wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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