I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
