the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
