This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
