Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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