i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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