i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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