After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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