I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
