hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize