I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
