I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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