I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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