i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i barfeds in our rink
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
