oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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