Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
