I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
