I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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