I am puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize