You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize