Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
