I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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