when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
