Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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