which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
