I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
