i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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