She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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