The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
