I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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