ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
