I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
