Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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