A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
