So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize