And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
