she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize