my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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