My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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