He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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