im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize