I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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