Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
