i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Fuck appropriateness.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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