you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize