I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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