i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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