everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize