Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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